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So, yeah. [21 Jan 2008|09:34pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | "The Perfect Drug" - Nine Inch Nails ] I haven't updated this since Aug. OBVIOUSLY, I am not with Rob anymore. That's funny stuff. I went home this weekend. I ended up doing that foot fetish thing for free. Damn, I wanted money bad. I spent a majority of my time with Alisha, Carly and Lindsay. I lost a headbutting contest and I still feel the pain in my nose. JERK. I like my Virgin Mary earrings. I'm getting tired of this place. I can't wait until I move to LA eventhough it'll only be for four months. I better graduate. Now I have fucking motivation. I wanna be the best makeup artist in the world, MUAHAH. Not quite, but I wish. I can't drive for ABSO. SHIT ! I suck. I am direction blind. That's what I get for being born with a vagina. Work is so often, and so boring and so long. I am tired of waking up at 530 in the moring, I am just plain tired. I am tired of doing this alone, and I am tired of feeling like every friendship I have is fake. I know only four people, and that's not including my family will miss me when I move. I wish I weren't so dependant, and chemically imbalanced. I wish I didn't care. I wish I didn't tear down my walls, and I wish everyone just thought I was a bitch still. I always wish, and I never do anything to change anything. Bet you five bucks I never get the nerve to go to cinema makeup school. I'm about to go to bed, that is just just code for.. I'm going to listen to Nine Inch Nails for hours, and probably some Manson. Middle School part II. CMNT♥

YARGHHH ! [11 Sep 2007|07:26pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | "Eyelash Curlers, Butches Knives" - Jeffree Star ] School started. I don't mind, it totally. I have a lot of people I like in my classes. However, I work far too much, so I called off work today. I fell asleep by accident, but I'm sure my aunt will understand. I gotta do some homework before she comes home at 9 & wash some clothes maybe, but other than that a fairly early night. I love my boyfran'. Haha. Rob is the bestest. No more mad Megan. CMNT♥

.. suck. [24 Aug 2007|09:03pm] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | "Five to One" - The Doors ] I give up. you're a fucking jerk. Boys always manage to hurt me and I'm fucking tired of it. I still live in a world where it's weird to be without Chris. God, It's all I knew for so long, and I knew what every look and every sigh meant. It's scary as hell to start over with anything. You ever just wanna disapear? I do a lot. I have all the love in the world to give, but nobody wants to give it back.. It hurts like fucking hell.. Everything I ever started with a whole heart has ended up in deep shit ,and anything I went into half hearted won't go away, and they still kinda care. I'm tired of crying. Come fix it. CMNT♥

you'll get yours, and I'll get mine. [20 Aug 2007|11:37am] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | "Vodevil" - Marilyn Manson ] So, school starts soon, and it'll be the first year out of 11 that I haven't started at MVHS. I don't really miss that place, its just weird to change after so long. I miss home a lot, and I can say I only like 5 people I've met here, and guys around here are just as bad if not worse than home.  I miss the seasons in Olyphant. I'd decorate for Halloween in like fucking September. I love Halloween. I loved trick-o-treating. This will be the first year I don't go. I've been a vampire every year since I was 11. I guess I can't live this last year of highschool sad. Then I'd really look back on Highschool and say it was a bunch of shit because for the most part it was. I dicked off for three years. I slept, skipped, and faught in class. I violated dress codes, and called my own cellphone when I had to call my, "parents", until they knew I did that, and finally called my house. I went to a year and a half of beauty school and never learned a damn thing. I learned more at the six months at MCTI than I did at CTC. Probably because at CTC I skipped class there too, walked around. Every teacher knew who I was and liked me and Nick Ranella. We walked around a lot. Damn.  For whatever reason I stopped being gothic during sophmore year. Probably because the statement got old as I saw middleschoolers looking just like I did, however, not as good, haha.  And I have not found a boy yet that hasn't lied, and that I completely believe.  I guess we always will fit a sterotype. I'm that asshole at Mid Valley still, that screamed stupid shit at pep rallys, and sneaked home during them. Munley is still the jerkoff who is too busy chewing her cheek to listen to Miss Marino babble Algebra.  I hope one day I grow up. I seriously do. I'm not even having fun being a kid anymore. I still cry when I see Manson on tv, too. So, don't think that has changed at all.  A lot of people think I'm smart, I wish my grades said so. I thought it was nerdy to apply yourself, so, I slowly began to just say fuck it to everything. I wonder what I'd be like if I applied myself. I keep sneakers for years because they hold memories. I just threw out my converse with the duct tape on them from 7th grade. I had everyone I "liked" sign them. When Dave's signature started to smudge I'd forge over it, hoping it'd last forever. lmao. That's eeettt. CMNT♥

I just don't get it. [19 Aug 2007|10:50am] [ mood | blank ] [ music | "Youth Gone Wild" - skid row ] ahhh z0mbies: still getting the. ahhh z0mbies: I AM THE ADULT. ahhh z0mbies: YOU ARE THE CHILD. ahhh z0mbies: WHEN YOU ARE THE ADULT. ahhh z0mbies: YOU WILL KNOW. claim the skyx: I KNOW. claim the skyx: its lke claim the skyx: some kind of epiffiney claim the skyx: comes down upon us claim the skyx: at 18 claim the skyx: we're old enough to know claim the skyx: if we had to, we can live on our own claim the skyx: and even be sucessful I don't get it. Pffftttt. Maybe it's not for me to get.  I haven't updated in forever. Home wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. Although, it never is. I hung out with Adam and Ashley a lot.  No matter what I say I or do it's never right. I hate boys. I woke up this morning to a flaming mound of fresh poop... from Beauty. It was gross. I think Molly really did it and Debbie left it for me to clean because she's mad at me again. She usually tells me I look like a moron and I get really angry at her, but I never pout and give her a lecture. But when I say something, she's like I AM THE ADULT YOU ARE THE CHILD.  I never wanna put my kids through that. Obviously they aren't adults, but I kinda wanted them... so, I'm not going to be a fucking asshole to them.  K bai.   CMNT♥

..FUCKING A OH YEAH. [01 Aug 2007|09:40pm] [ mood | anxious ] [ music | "Deadly Sinners" - 3 Inches of Blood ] I am completely not pissed off at a waste of time asshole anymore because I am in such a good fucking mood to see friends I haven't seen in like 8 motherfucking months ! Or maybe it's been all the bad 80's  to early 80's metal I've listened to. Perhaps, "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake is getting me through. Lmfao, probably not. But I love to sing it at the top of my lungs. I loved you first, douchebag. ANYWAY. Shopping tomorrow with Ashley, it's been years!? Wtf mang. I'm so pumped. And this year my douchebag nonexistant boyfriend won't be skinny dipping instead of being at my fucking party. MOTHERFUCK YEAH. It feels weird to not get pierced on my birthday. I've been getting birthday piercings for the last two years. Maybe I'll get my nipples. Lmao, that'd be hilarious. EW, probably not. I'm probably going to a psychic when I get home too. It's probably all bullshit, but when you tell me something I like to hear, I like to listen. I am STUBBORN AS FUCK. I'm going to wear my sweet 80's metal outfit, and I don't care if you guys show up at my house in yours or not. When I get back home I'll post lots of videos and pictures in this shit journal that no one reads, duh. Don't expect me online while I'm in Olyphant, FUCK THAT. I will out being my usual douchebag self. I am so pumped I will barely sleep. CMNT♥

he doesn't look a thing like jesus. [31 Jul 2007|07:16pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | "When You Were Young" - The Killers ] I miss Mid Valley.. sometimes. A lot actually. I got away with a lot of shit. I miss my class, eventhough, they hated me for the most part, but who actually likes you in your life? Even people that say they wanna be around forever end up flaking out. I miss having a serious boyfriend. I think I just miss asshole because I got my way all the time. I'm glad I started talking to Mappy again, I missed him a lot. I missed skipping school at his house. I go home thursday.  Sometimes I wish home was still home. I missed Kresge a lot. We hate people, and one day .. we will travel the world. aha. I need to pack. I've given up on our friendship, even. You don't give a fuck. The top of my hair is blonde again. The world is right, hahaha. I miss freshman life. I miss a lot of things, I guess?  Seventeen. Holy fuck.  ew. All my friends are turning eighteen. CMNT♥

FUCK [28 Jul 2007|09:12pm] [ mood | cranky ] [ music | "christian woman" -type o negative ] I h8 you. I am so bored. Kris moved today. I have nothing to fucking do. I've played tetris for a million fucking hours this week. I work a million fucking hours, and I think I just wanna kill everyone. you are an asshole. you too. I hate everyone. I can't wait to go home, and not be here, where people are okay... sometimes. I'm going to donnie's mom's wedding. I have to look like a girl. Haha Drea. CMNT♥

sucha rebel [18 Jul 2007|10:29am] [ mood | angry ] I'm at the awesome summer school program.  I just thought you should all know. I didn't wanna go this morning because I don't needa be here and it's raining.Tomorrow is my last day, I don't care what Deb says. I have got nothing out of this expirence other than aggervation, being made fun of because I'm white and not gangsta, and wasting my summer. So while I was at the bus stop Deb kept calling and txting me, but my phone died. One of the texts was, HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME BEFORE I HAVE TO WORK ! It's like, uhhh.. do what? Say I don't wanna go to a program where I'm learning nothing? Everything's a big deal. I know i'm dramatic, but I'll admit it. Deb saying I ruined her whole day because this summer program is gay and I didn't want to go is probably a bit dramatic, Idk, whatever. She'll probably wig on me again today because my phone died and she couldn't keep yell texting at me. She'll probably say, "This is why I am the adult and you are the child." This is probably why I'm wishing my life away because I can't handle being around this anymore. I love her and all she's done for me, but there's a point where you have to let someone make their own mistakes. I don't think NOT going to extra classes in the summer that don't count for shit, is a bad choice? Last I checked, summer school is dreaded and is for dumbasses. My last summer before I have to grow up and I'm spending it in school and at work. this is fucking awesome ! CMNT♥

halo drnrtntnensetn. i stopped counting. [18 Jul 2007|12:49am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | "Polygraph Right Now" - The Spill Canvas ] So, basically this is probably my first real up date, ever? I hate everything, and no I'm not being fucking emo.   I hate summer classes, I sit in a room and do totally nothing, and waste my already WASTED summer. Trust me, I work the whole fucking summer. It blows. Growing up blows. Boys, boys FUCKING BLOW. I try so hard to just go with things, but I have the type of personality that NEEDS to know everything or I lose sleep. Ever get like that? Something just FUCKING eats you. I never want to be that.. "why don't you love me?" girl again, but I always seem to turn into her.  Oh dear, if only I didn't feel it was right, again.  It's weird sleeping alone, still. I miss having someone to push out of bed, or to poke.. in the eye?  I love you, I really do. I don't want to say it. I don't want to scare you.  I don't want you to leave.  I read too deep into shit. Maybe the looks you give me aren't real. Maybe nothing's real. Maybe for once I need something real. You ever get that pain in your stomach up to your throat? The one where you can almost feel tears but know you shouldn't cry? Bruce called from Iraq the other day. Jesus, I miss him, but every conversation always turns out the same. I am sorry. I am not a thirteen year old girl anymore.  I am always tired, but I always become more awake at night. Infact, after this update, I'm going to clean my room. One day, I hope to close off all my emotions,  I wish you loved me too. I wish a lot of things... Reality and fantasy,  I suppose. CMNT♥

halo 5. [16 Jul 2007|07:20pm] [ mood | discontent ] [ music | "Living Dead Girl" - Rob Zombie ] I hung out with D. I have a shopping problem. I got extensions, they itch like balls? I had a dream about elmo. I am so tired, and fucking hate PMW. Who doesn't? I hate work. DITTO. I went to Mid Valley, we can't spell. I went to Mid Valley, everyone's pregnant there atleast once before they graduate. OR They're gay. It was sweet. I'm going to be Seventeen. Maybe this year I won't be crying because a jerkface is skinny dipping instead of being my boyfrien'. Haha, SIQQ. Idk. CMNT♥

halo 4. Jealous of Kelsey. [15 Jul 2007|01:09am] [ mood | thirsty ] [ music | "Long Hard Road Out of Hell" - Manson ] 35 useless, but completely useful facts. 1. I will never be happy with anything or anyone in my life. I always feel there is room for change. 2. I hate change. 3. I'm a hypocrite. 4. I used to be gothic, and a lot harder on myself. 5. Boys were my downfall. 6. K$$ and I almost kicked the bucket twice. 7. I am scared to drive. 8. I am scared to grow up.  9. I did not take one pill when, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. 10. I am scared to be my mother's daughter. 11. I change my appearance because I feel I am not attractive. 12. I've had some really bad friends. 13. I've been a really bad friend. 14. I bite my nails to the bone. 15. I will come back to you, countless times. & do whatever it takes, to keep you in my life. 16. No isn't an option. 17. I never fit in. 18. I've never done a drug. 19. I've never drank. 20. I don't think it's cool to party. 21. I used to smoke Malbro Reds. 22. I sweat a lot, as much as a dude. 23. I don't feel comfortable in girls shirts. 24.  I like to cuddle. 25. I like to fucking scream. 26. I like to cry. 27. I've had many piercings, most of which are memories. 28. I didn't lose my virginty, the way I had hoped.  29. I love Marilyn Manson still. 30. I read too much. 31. I'm not stupid, just scared of being smart. 32. I'm scared to pay attention, because I might learn something and not just be the smartass of the class anymore. 33. I'm scared my mother will die, and I won't be there. 34. I wish I felt loved. 35. I have horrific nightmares. end. 1 : CMNT♥

halo three. [15 Jul 2007|12:50am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "Mother" - Danzig ] My dog ate Party Monster. For those of you who know me, I have modeled much of my fashion sense and my makeup after this film. I wish I were a club kid, minus the drugs, and the cutting up of a drug dealer? YEAHHHUHHH. So, I only have FMJ to watch now. (Full Metal Jacket for you IDIOTS ! out there.)  Work sucks, this growing up thing isn't for me. I'm probably going to be some big loser. It's chill, though. SIQQ TO THE MAX ! I'm sick of working, motherfucker.  I am tired. I am running on lack of sleep, and soda. WOOOOOOOO HOOOO. I like to spend my time witha boi.  Silly. I miss K$. I miss D. Smoking is dumb. Meg Mun has the dirtiest mind out of all of her friends, and drops the worst lines at the best times. "WRONG HOLE, YO."  "I'M AT MY MOTHER'S FRIEND'S HOUSE..*click*" I like to be tucked in. *thumbs up* that's eeett. I wear my tube socks daily, kels. 1 : CMNT♥

halo two. [09 Jul 2007|11:03pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | "Let You Go" - Ashley Parker Angel ] Today was pretty exciting for once. Stace ended up going to school. Ha, some kid in my class stabbed a kid. It's scary & sad.  I went swimming, got some mildly sweet sunburn & went to lunch with Kris. I'm going to miss that girl terribly. She's almost like my ghetto sister from another mister. She hates my fashion sense, or lack or it. I miss Boo, yo. I'm going to put him in a headlock until he taps out when I see him. I can't type with these ghetto nails .  I'm over it, the situation, and you. NOOB. I completely enjoy being a nerd with bad fashion sense, and outdated gaming obessions with tetris. I am happy with being able to recite Full Metal Jacket, word for word. I love to read, and crochet. I aspire to become a D&D master, booya! meg. 1 : CMNT♥

halo one. [08 Jul 2007|10:13pm] [ mood | disappointed ] [ music | "I Know You're Fucking Someone Else" - Type O Negative ] So, here I am, making a stupid journal for Kels. Haha, it's like middle school all over again. Sorry, no online fights this time, I'm going to promise. I was reading old journals, and god, i was stupid. I'll try to make this one a bit easier to read. Work sucks, I hardly work when I work, but I show up. Showing up is half the battle. I get easily angered, and hate a lot of things. I did bullshit all day, and wanted to scream, however, I didn't. I have school in the morning. I learn nothing at all. People think I'm racist, probably because I'm the only  white  kid in the class. I hate boys. They are ghey. I hope you feel as dumb as I do. meg. 1 : CMNT♥

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